Self-Awareness/Natural Hair

Is God Really that mean?…….

Does he have feelings like we do? Why does it always seem like he is punishing someone or leaving them?……. Believe it or not, this was HER thought process. Can she blame the church that she came from and left,  for the way that she began to think about God? YES!!!!…..did this past church have an influence on the way that she viewed God? YES!…But was it wise to place the blame on them? NO ……..Was it up to her to personally seek God for herself? YES……….Was she tired of going to that church and being in complete paralyzing fear only to have God remind her everyday that he simply just loved her for her? ……YES!!!!

As time progressed, she eventually did leave that church and began to work on herself. Her and some others walked away from that church and as they left and built each other up, they became the best of friends (that was the only good thing that came out of all of this, they even still talk to this very day, everyday)……But in the mist of it all, All she knew was that she loved God and that her heart dwelled in the sweet taste of worship. Worship became a place that she lived in where no one could hurt her or influence her. No one could tell her that she had to dress a certain way or look a certain way to be able to go to heaven. All she knew was that when she was in worship she was safe. But how can she fully worship a God that she was afraid of?

Leaving that church came with consequences tho. Rumors began to spread…..she was seen as a Jezebel or the woman that left the church because she was upset that she couldn’t marry the pastor. She was even called a “Peter” because she denied the “pastor” as her spiritual father. she was told that she was going to be cursed because she and her friends left and that God would take everything from her and she would become homeless. Then the final rumor was that God left her, he was no longer with me. These words hurt her so bad that she can remember crying for months, 9 months to be exact ……There would be times when she would be in front of her friends and couldn’t tell them what was going on but she would literally just have silent tears coming down her cheeks. They would ask her whats wrong and she just couldn’t speak. she was me.

I began to get angry and realized that I could no longer swim in a sea of tears and I had to find him for myself. I began to search my bible the word of god, and look for what I needed. I needed answers…..So I began with the rumor that hurt me the most: Rumor #1: “God has left her.”………..everyone knows the common verse “God will never leave you nor forsake you.” But i needed more than that. So i came across Psalms 73:23 “…yet i am always with you, you hold me by my right hand” …This verse meant the world to me because as time progressed I finally began to see God as dad  (i didn’t grow up with one, it was just me and my mom). In my prayers, instead of saying God, I would say…. “but dad”……but i began to do this without realizing that i was actually doing it for maybe 2 months. When I finally realized it, i was astounded!!!….. The fact that i was doing this was amazing because it meant that i was getting closer and closer to seeing god as less of a mean God and more as a father (Jeremiah 3:19 “Thou Shalt call me, MY FATHER, and shall not turn away from me.”)……I was one step closer to freedom from the words of others!!!!………..Anyway back to Psalms 73:23………that verse says you hold me by my right hand. It reminded me of the little girls that i use to see on the street as a kid and their dads would pick them up from school and hold their hand and I would be jealous because I always wanted a dad in my life to. Now I had one because i know that i know that he holds my right hand. So that rumor from that church was cancelled because not only was god with me but he ALSO holds my right hand.

So now you are probably asking……”ok so now that God is dad what happens now?”……………

By Dana

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

Be and stay encouraged.

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