My Truth

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She moved to a new state and is embraced by many of a particular church. These people become her closest friends, they love her and she learns the true meaning of mercy towards others no matter how much people may hurt her……but then things changed and she began to hear Sermons of:

”women are not to wear earrings, pants, or even walk around with their hair uncovered, women shouldn’t perm their hair, make-up is a sin,  and can and will take you to hell.”

“expect demons to attack you at night, this is normal and is part of the cup you must drink as a Christian .”

“Jesus took me to hell to show me those who didn’t make it and many were women”

“I woke up this morning with my body sore and knew that it was because God had scolded me in my sleep and i most likely deserved it, so when you guys feel sore in the morning it was God punishing you for something you did.”

“God will come to many and tell them to give up their jobs and stop going to school, there will even be some that must serve the man of God in order to enter into the destiny of their ministry”

”there are billions of demons, i was only able to get the names of a few but as you learn their names, take notes on how to defeat them and what to say exactly  to each demon because each demon requires something different.”

i began to think to myself “but since when has demons and looks become more important than learning about the love of god and his promises towards us?” But out of fear she remained in that church.

So as a result of everything she heard, she threw away all pants that she owned, cut her hair off and went natural, threw away all her earrings and make up and at this point began dressing like a nun. By this time she was so afraid of God, she no longer wanted to talk to him. Prayer was not an option anymore, why did she have to learn what exact prayer to say for each demon and their name…….she no longer wanted to pray to the one that could allow so much rules and misery. Others had warned her that this was an occult but she thought that an occult had a different meaning.

However, what she failed to understand is that its not what she wears as a Christian that determines if she makes it to heaven or not, its her actions toward others and her heart.

The only thing she knew for sure was that singing was the only thing that soothed her fearful heart……..When she encountered this fear that she had of God, she actually wandered off into a place of understanding as to why many people are atheist. Why many believed that it was impossible to be a christian, there seemed to be so many rules and no way to be able to be yourself in the mist of serving this scary god. She began to miss being herself and felt as though she was living in a box with no air. She was trapped. And She was now at the point where She wanted to leave but was told….. “if you leave the church you will be cursed.”……WHERE IS THE HOPE?!!!…… what exactly does she do here?……

Lesson/Encouragement: its not what you wear as a Christian that determines if you makes it to heaven or not, its your actions toward others and her heart.


The search for the one thing she lost………..confidence

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She was astounded by the fact that she could be married and the one man that she believed she could spend the rest of her life with had damaged her in more ways than anyone can ever imagine. Because of how things took place and the infidelity, she had convinced herself that she was no longer worthy of love, that no one would ever be able to love her or even want her after this, that she was no longer beautiful and that she would never be happy again. But then when it actually came out of his mouth towards her, she believed it and then behaved as so. He would even go as far as to tell her that just because she had a degree and a car doesn’t make her better than him. The divorce was long and crucial. But she survived that.

There was always this saying that said that “the most attractive thing is a woman’s confidence.”  But She lost her confidence, so what did she really have at this point. After the divorce she remained to herself and suffered heavy depression in addition to loosing her confidence. She wouldn’t talk to anyone, not even family and friends and just lived in  this dark world of isolation. She even contemplated suicide but begged god to help her.

One day her mother finally got ahold of her and said “baby I know that your hurting inside, and I’m hurting due to the fact that you are hurting, but u have to fight to live.” She realized that her mother was  right so she did the best she could day after day. Sometimes just surviving the day was an accomplishment for her. Slowly but surely she began to hang post-its around her house to remind her that she was beautiful, that she was worthy, that she was worth it, that she can and will love again, and that god will send someone to love her despite her flaws. Building herself back up became a long process but it was worth it.


Lesson/Encouragement:  Life happens, hurt and pain occurs, but sometimes if all u did was survive the day in your hardest moments then this is an accomplishment… doesn’t mean that you are a failure but an ongoing conquerer……So be encouraged.